Monday, 25 June 2007

Thinking Back... and Missing You...

I was hunting high and low for my photo papers. Thought it was time to start my scrap book project. Oh, OK... found them. Now I need to print photos, collect bits and pieces of memorabilia to be included into the scrap book. So started browsing through my photo album in my portable hard drive. Saw a folder... Papa In Memory. Opened it. Saw some of the photos we took with Papa, about a year before he passed away. Regretting very much that I did not backed up ALL my digital photos in a CD or DVD. They were all wiped out when my Compaq notebook hard drive crashed on me the last time. Gone are the photos I took of us with Papa, with our family members. Photos of his wake. Photos of his funeral. Photos of us sending him off to sea. Hundreds of visual memories which I can no longer take back.

Browsing through the album, brings back lots of memories... bittersweet memories. Being the eldest, it was of course automatically my responsibility to help take care of the family affairs. Mummy was too occupied taking care of Papa. Melissa was about to sit for her SPM that year. I was in a job which I could enjoy and like, but somehow could not really be. From the time when Papa was admitted, right till the day he was discharged, my life was HOME - WORK - HOSPITAL - HOME. Hey, I'm not complaining. It was my duty, what I was suppose to do, and I thank my friends who understood and supported me the entire time. I'm grateful to my entire family for always being with us. I'm especially and deeply grateful to my cousin Abang Izal who was with us, helping us the entire time. Without him, we could not have attended better to Papa's needs when he was in the hospital. Thank you so much. This is why you are always my favourite cousin, you see.

Papa Ho and his cheeky grin

I really really really really miss you, Papa. Sometimes when things do not go well, I am always seeking out for your advice. I always stare at your photo, the family portrait we took when I graduated. It saddens me when I think of Melissa not having the chance to take her graduation photo with you in it.

Us girls with mum at KLIA

I then started buying photo frames. When IKEA had a sale, I get to buy the frames cheaper = more frames to buy. Metrojaya sale - cheaper frames. I think I buy more photo frames than clothes during these sales. After we moved to the new place, slightly after a year Papa was gone, I started my project. I looked through my entire digital album I have, and started printing out photos which I really really really like. Photos of us with friends and family. Photos of Papa with his 3 girls. Photos of cousins, aunties, uncles, friends and many more. I print them and slot them into the frames. Then I hung them on the walls. My project is far from being complete, I'm still working on it.

I bring my camera almost everywhere I go now, especially during family outings. Life is unpredictable. I try to take as many shots I can of Mummy, Melissa and myself. I try to take photos of family gatherings. I am always the kiasu one behind the camera during Chinese New Year, snapping away. I used to at one time, not happy being the one taking photos (I don't get to enjoy my reunion dinner you see). Now? My fingers automatically do the clicking. Click! Click! Click!

What am I ranting about? Sush!

Anyway, here's some photos from my Papa In Memory album - for me and whosoever is interested to glance through.

Breakfast @ Parkroyal KL

We celebrated the New Year at Parkroyal Hotel, Kuala Lumpur. This photo was taken on the 1st January 2004, about a month after Papa's operation. Oh, and this was the day I lost my previous Yahoo! account to hackers! Demmit!

Family photo

This was one of the first after a long time. And we always try to have more after this one.

Papa. Content after a huge breakfast
(which was good as his appetite became much much smaller)

Papa & Balloon

Papa still had time to play around with balloons. I think this one some kid dropped it and I asked Papa to pose with it. As you can see, he obliged. This photo was taken during the early days of Berjaya Times Square.

Long John's Silver. His fav fast food.
Papa at his favourite fast food joint; Long John Silver's. Could it be that he shares the same name, Johnny?

Papa & Aunty Soo

Aunty Soo came back to Malaysia (from Australia) that year (2004) to celebrate Chinese New Year with us. It was Papa's last with us.

Papa & Mum posing randomly in KFC
Here's Papa trying to be cool.

Smile!
But not for long...

Papa's always this cheeky, making funny faces when I ask him to pose for a photo.

Here's another one.

Family photo
We took this family photo when Melissa was on her National Service (NS). Visited her at Universiti Putra Malaysia's (UPM) campus EVERY weekend.

Me with Papa & Mummy Ho

Sis & I

My favourite cousin, Abang Izal with Papa and Mummy Ho.

And then Melissa jumped into the frame.

Photo of Melissa with Papa Ho.

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Remember my poem I wrote for you, Papa?

Of course by now my initial plan to do scrap booking, has been postponed to another time. Preferably when my eyes are dry and alert.

4 burp(s):

sengtat said...

So sorry to hear about ur father's demise. Be strong ok..

michelleho said...

Oh thanks Tat for your condolences. It has been almost 3 years now and well, life goes on.

Nice to hear from you again though and best-est of luck in what you do best!

She Ling said...

I think grief is not something like cold or illness which can "gets over", rather is something will gets better when over time. To me, life is good, but "lost" is like the by-product from the life, which we just can't escape from it. I can't say that I totally understand how you felt, because it must be very hard for you. But if you need to talk sometime, I can be the one who listen :D... and you I think did well Michelle, for you family.

michelleho said...

Thank you for the words of encouragement, She Ling. It's hard, yes. Sometimes we still feel like things have not changed but boy, they do.

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